LY/MI, Chapter 8
Hey, It’s Nutsy!

I am never going past the state of New Hampshire in the summer months EVER again. I rolled over in bed and could see the window through a crack in the curtain from where I was laying. There was condensation on the window meaning it was un-freaking-believably hot outside again.

It wasn’t even 8:00 am yet. How do people live here? Why do people live here?

Del got up just before Mickey called. He got dressed and said “I’m going outside to have a smoke, want to join me?”

See now, where he asked me to go outside with him, it’s his fault that I forgot to bring the room key out when I joined him. It’s also his fault I forgot to swing the latch out so the door wouldn’t close.

I’m the wife, it’s never my fault. That’s just common knowledge.

“This is not going to go unpunished, you realize.” Del said as he checked the door to make sure we were really locked out.



Yeah, I had my phone but not the room key. Carrying the phone was now second nature, the room key, well…

I didn't think this was going to be that big of a problem. I rented two rooms and could still get into one of them. I knocked on the kids’ door and used their phone to call the lobby.

“Yes, madam, just come to the front desk and we will give you another key. Just bring your ID with you.” The front desk told me.

Why would I lock myself out and remember to bring ID and not a room key? Do people do that? How do they keep track of everything if they are carrying it all separate like that?

“I don’t have my ID; it is in the room with my room key.” I told her.

“Well, come to the front desk and we will give you a room key, and then come back with your ID.” She said, and then added “Uh, someone will be right over to your room.”

This had to be someone who was earning their ears. I hope they weren’t just passing out room keys to who ever asked for one without an ID. I figure someone was standing next to her when she said that and immediately corrected her.

About a ½ hour later, a guy from the front desk came down with a room key and followed me inside the door while I showed him my ID. I can’t really bitch about waiting; it was Dels fault we got locked out, not his.



While we waited for the guy to show up, we had decided to go to the Boardwalk Bakery for breakfast. Once we got back into my room and I retrieved our belongings, we headed out to the Boardwalk.



The last time we went to the Boardwalk Bakery was in December and it was a little chilly so I was wearing a sweatshirt. Once we were inside the bakery, I decided to take my sweatshirt off. I was wearing a new shirt underneath, a shirt with a ‘v’ neck.

I had the sweatshirt pulled over my head when I felt my shirt underneath lift up. Oh, I certainly couldn't have anyone seeing my stomach so as soon as I got one arm free, I yanked down on the shirt HARD.

Too hard.

I just couldn't let anyone see my bare stomach, could I?

As I was working on getting my other arm free and catching the sunglasses that I had forgotten were on top of my head, Bea screamed ‘MOM’ and slapped her hand on my chest.

‘Uh, why can I feel her cold fingers?’

I, Wobin, got my boobs out in the Boardwalk Bakery. The same Boardwalk Bakery that at one time had been on the travel channel.

My mom would be so proud.

And thanks to my darling daughter screaming ‘MOM’ other people in the same bakery got a chance to see my choice of bra for the day.

But thank GOD nobody saw my stomach.

This day, as we were walking to the Boardwalk bakery, we passed Spoodles. “Gee, I’ve heard some good things about this place, what do you guys think? Want to have a sit down breakfast?” I asked the crew. I could hold my head up high in Spoodles; I never flashed anyone in there.



They looked over the menu posted outside the door. They got as far as the first line ‘all you care to eat’ when they agreed that this was the place for us.



We had to eat some place that wouldn’t put limits on us because once again, we were starved to death.

Unfortunately, we had picked the wrong place.

The first plate was pretty good. Em really enjoyed drinking out of ‘wine glasses’.



When Del asked for more, the waitress walked passed and dropped this tiny plate in front of him.



I’m thinking they heard about me and were trying to get us out of there as quickly as possible before I got my boobs out.

During breakfast Nikki was talking about our dinner the night before at Whispering Canyon and how much fun she had. I didn't really follow what she was talking about, something along the lines of a dessert display that she stuck her finger into that was mushy.



I really believed that when they were growing up I had covered the ‘don’t stick your fingers into things’ but apparently I didn't.

I was young and outnumbered. Things could have gotten skipped.

And I don’t remember seeing a dessert display, she insisted there was, but I have no idea where, so I think she stuck her finger into someone’s actual dessert.

I am so very sorry about that, if that is the case.

Breakfast was okay, but we were feeling pretty rushed to get out of there.

So we did.



On the ride over to Epcot, I almost bought one of those brand new Mustangs that I love so much. When I took the left at the light, I took it a little too wide and almost took it out. “Are you hauling a trailer? What are you doing?” Del asked just as I straightened the van out.

The mustang pulled along side of me, blew the horn and gave me the finger.

I earned that finger. What are you going to do?

I managed to get us to the Epcot parking lot in one piece. We knew when we parked so close to the toll thing you go through to get into Epcot that the place was going to be packed. We had a plan, so we weren’t too worried about it.

Van to tram to turnstiles and we were standing inside Epcot.

We walked over to Test Track first and got some fast passes because the wait time was forever and a day. Then we farted around in Innovations until we could get another fast pass for Soaring.

(*Note: ‘farting around’ is an expression for strolling around or goofing off. It may be only used in the North, I’m not sure. To the best of my knowledge, no crew member had gas.)







Once we had our fast passes secured, we took a trip around the world. We started in Mexico where they hand blow glass into fun and interesting figures.





Next was Norway where for the first time EVER, we didn't stop and get a beautiful dessert. It was too hot to eat. The crew went on the Viking ship ride while I found a bench to take a phone call from my mom.

She knows, I’m in Disney, you call me.



While I was chatting with my mom, the unthinkable happened. Something flew in my mouth and went down my throat before I could stop it.

I started to gag. What the hell was that?! Was it a bug? OMG, was it a love bug? Did TWO bugs just fly into my mouth? Was it a murder/suicide?

I was trying to catch my breath while my mother was yelling at me. “What happened? What is it? Are you okay? Tap on the phone twice if you can understand me. Lassie, is Timmy in the well?”

Very funny mom. But not much help. I was choking and she was trying to make me laugh.

I think my mother is out to kill me.

I was a pretty horrible teenager, I wouldn’t blame her.

I finished my phone call and my unidentified snack when the crew came out to collect me.

“Are we eating again?” Em asked while looking at the dessert shop.

No thanks, I’m full.

We walked to China next and Nikki and Curt went into the theater.

Del was getting hot and bored so we kept walking to the outpost to get a beer and a strawberry ice so I could wash down what ever it was I ate while on the phone. The strawberry ice was too sugary to drink so I gave it to Nikki. She hated it too.



The heat was killing me, (have I mentioned enough how I can’t take the heat?) so we stopped to rest.



While we rested, the kids went lizard hunting. Curt found a tiny frog.

I love frogs. When I was a little kid, sometimes my dad would call me frog. It was along the lines of ‘what are you a frog?’ if I did something stupid, which was often. I had never seen such a tiny frog. If I wasn’t afraid of murdering the poor tiny thing, I would have put him in my pocket. I loved him the minute I met him.



That poor little frog was probably having a heart attack while we looked at it. It’s a good thing he was in the hands of a hunting veterinarian.

Curt put the tiny frog in a patch of garden so he would be safe. He then picked Nikki up and started carrying her towards the outpost.

Young love makes you do really stupid things. I couldn't see Del carrying me around in this heat. I have a hard enough time getting him to carry the camera bag.

There might be a different reason for that, I guess.



Del was getting unhappy and bored until we got closer to Germany and found not only a beer cart, but one located next to a smoking area. We set up camp while the kids went and explored the surrounding countries.

Two cigarettes and four beers later the kids came back and Em didn't look too good. The heat was getting to her so I bought her some water and took her into the ladies room. I took a paper towel and soaked it in cool water and wrapped it around her neck. I then put my hand under the faucet, filled it with water and dumped in on myself.

“Wobin, can I do that too? I’m so hot.” Em asked while hanging on to the sink and pretending to melt.

Em and I got a little out of hand with that. When we came out of the ladies room, we were soaked.

But we weren’t hot and that’s all that matters.

We stopped in the American Adventure and watched the show in there. Okay, the crew watched the show, I had a nap.

I have never gotten so much sleep on vacation before. I had a nap in MGM’s ‘sounds dangerous’ and now in here. I think Zurg had a nap in the Universe of Energy in Epcot once. I’ll have to get together with him so we can list the napping places for the guide book I’m going to write one day.

You might not know you need to know it now, but just wait until you are in Disney and struggling to keep your eyes open. Kids can sleep anywhere; adults need to be more creative. It’s important need-to-know stuff.

Actually, I don’t think we are the only ones to ever do that. I think I will start a thread.

http://lodgeboards.com/v-web/bulletin/bb/viewtopic.php?p=50945#50945

Once we left the American Adventure and while we were walking over to Japan we passed a funnel cake stand. Em, who was still feeling kind of lousy, half-heartedly raised a hand towards it and said “woo-hoo, funnel cake.”

I hate it when it is too hot to eat.

We were walking around the gift shop in Japan. I was looking at something when Em came running at me, smiling. “Wobin, Wobin, Wobin, Wobin! It’s raining outside!”

We’d be having the funnel cake today!

Em and I were outside spinning and dancing in the rain for quite a while before anyone else noticed that we were gone.



The rain lasted long enough to make Em and I happy. When it slowed down enough for the rest of the crew (who must be made of sugar and are afraid to melt) to come out of the gift shop, Nikki and I went to grab some sushi while Del, Curt and Em went to get some funnel cake. We met back up together in front of the American Adventure.

While we sat at the table and ate our treats, we had a visitor.

Nutsy, the Lodge mascot, came over to check on us.



I was surprised that he was brave enough to sit so close to us. So cute and fuzzy, he sat up and wiggled his nose at us. We interpreted that as ‘squirrel talk’ for “Hey, hook a squirrel up with some funnel cake, would ya?”

Nikki and I don’t share sushi with rodents.

Del took a piece of funnel cake and leaned over. Nutsy ran under the table and over to Del and took it out of his hand. “My mother wouldn’t be happy with you right now.” I told him.



My mom strongly dislikes squirrels. She says that squirrels were nothing but rats with fuzzy tails and she doesn't want them eating out of her bird feeders so she began a ‘squirrel re-location’ program. She bought ‘have-a-heart’ traps and moved the squirrels across town to release them. Sometimes, on the drive across town, she would take several sides streets to disorient the squirrels.

If you see a 79 year old, white-haired lady driving around in circles in a Wal-Mart parking lot with a cage in the back seat, it’s my mom. She is on a re-location mission. Return to your home, there is nothing to see here.

Em wanted to feed Nutsy too, but I didn't want her to hand feed him. If Del chooses to have his arm ripped to shreds by a rat with a fuzzy tail, that’s his business, but I wasn’t going to let Em do it, because I am an evil step-mother that way.

Em dropped a small piece of funnel cake on the ground and Nutsy ran under the table again to retrieve it. “Oh, he is so cute and fuzzy; I need a picture of that. Don’t do anything to scare him.” I said and got up to take this picture of our new friend.



Few things in life will knock you on your ass, a horrific tragedy, winning the lottery and a squirrel running straight at you doing 95 MPH.

Cute and fuzzy suddenly became fangs and claws.

Em had moved her foot or something, scaring the crap out of Nutsy, who turned to make a mad dash running away from her. He started hauling ass in my direction. I screamed ‘Squirrel attack!’ then hopped straight back on onto my ass in an effort to get away.

I’m glad I fell because the ‘thump’ of my ass hitting the ground scared Nutsy more and he ran in a different direction away from me. If I hadn’t fallen, there is a really good chance I would have been running in circles screaming ‘Squirrel attack!’ trying to get away.

Circles disorient the squirrels, my mother taught me that.

Between laughs, the crew asked me if I was okay. My ass hurt, but I hadn’t been ripped to shreds by a crazy, scared squirrel, so yes, I would have to say I was okay.

“I wish I got a picture of that, Wobin.” Em said, wiping away tears while she was laughing at me.

Where’s your camera Em?

Each trip I buy disposable camera’s for Em to use. She takes high quality pictures if you are looking for shots of things like her coloring book or up someone’s nose. I put stickers on the cameras with my name and address on it in case it gets lost.

Or if Em decides she is sick of carrying it and puts in down on a gift shop shelf.

I figured out that she has a system; she uses the camera, and then sticks it somewhere where someone will find it and hopefully turn it into lost and found. Lost and found sees the sticker and mails it back to me eliminating the need to carry it or re-pack it at the end of the trip.

I haven’t figured out if she is incredibly intelligent or extremely lazy.

We know our vacation is official over when we get the package from Disney’s lost and found. It usually beats us home.

Del helped me up off the ground. My ass was sore, but nothing compared to the fire in my shoes from the sunburn on top of my feet. Del was having the same problem and if you remember the picture from earlier; we were 4th and 5th degree of foot-top sunburn.

A little something I discovered accidentally last trip was, the carts located around the parks that sell cameras and fans or what-not, also sell first-aid supplies. I bought them out of cold medicine in December, this trip, I was investing in aloe based products.

I’m sure the gift shops sell it too, but the line is always shorter at the carts.

I bought some aloe stuff and proceeded to sit on a bench and take off my shoe.

Nikki nearly had a stroke.

What? It’s not like I got my boobs out again, it was just my bare, sunburned foot. I didn't toss it up on a table while people were trying to eat or anything.

Okay, in all fairness, my foot is pretty gross but she didn't need to react the way she did.

“Mom! Do that in the bathroom! Nobody wants to see your gross foot!” She yelled at me.

She wanted me to take my foot out of my shoe in the public restroom? She didn't have an issue with that? I took a look around and saw several people wearing sandals. I didn't see the big deal.

I did see a big deal with being barefoot in a public restroom. What if my bare foot touched the floor? I’d have to have it cut off. How would she like that?

As she tried to block my foot from view of the general public, I touched her with it. It sucked because my foot was burned so I hurt it when I touched her with it, but it was a riot to see her screaming and try to wipe where my foot touched her from her butt.

Make a scene over my bare foot, would ya?

After the rain cooled things down and we had a snack in our systems, we were ready to play a little. We went into Morocco to see what we could get into there.





FYI, Curt. ‘Delswife’ isn’t just a description of me, it’s a screen name. Smile and say ‘Hi’ to some of my closest friends.





The words to Moroccan air guitar:

Del: Wobin, Ooooo, I think I wove you, please give me some money, what rhymes with money?

Em: Honey!

Del: [I] Honey! We love yoooou, please give us money.

Video from Lou’s thread:

http://www.patmedia.net/maddmaxx/DW/video4.mov

After they returned the guitar and little hat to the shelf, a family that was standing behind us (because we tend to attract attention sometimes) picked them up and did the same thing. I think the words were a little different, but it was funny too.

We wandered towards France when we realized our fast passes were finally good to use. Cheering with our arms in the air and excited about it, we walked quickly (but not running, CM up-setter) over to Test Track.

Just before we got to the entrance of Test Track, Nutsy made another appearance. He ran from the grass straight across our path to another patch of grass on the other side of the walkway.

“The second attack has been launched Captain!” Del yelled with his hands still in the air while Em and Nikki jumped back to avoid smashing Nutsy.

See! Fangs and claws! Who’s laughing now? That would be me.

Once we made it safely to the fast pass entrance of Test Track, our excitement was over. The fast pass line was almost as bad as the stand-by line. We stood skin-to-skin with strangers for about a half hour before getting to the entrance of the ride.

While we were all squashed together, the woman in front of me picked up her child that was about the size of Em. The child took one look at me and decided to use me for a kicking bag.

*Kick* *Kick*

I couldn't move anywhere to get away from her and her shoe was doing a number on my skin, so I moved the backpack between us.

*Kick-clunk* *Kick-clunk*

Oh, I didn’t want to play THAT game, my cameras were in the backpack, so I moved it away. I was looking around for a place to get away from this kicking kid when Del asked me what was wrong.

“She’s kicking me.” I said loud enough for her mother to hear and she glanced over her shoulder briefly at me and smiled.

*Kick* *Kick* *Kick* *Kick*

“She’s still kicking me.” I said to the back of her mothers head.

*Kick* *Kick* *Kick* *Kick*
*Kick* *Kick* *Kick* *Kick*
*Kick* *Kick* *Kick* *Kick*

Alright, that’s enough! “Hey, hey, please stop it now.” I said to the little girl.

Her mother turned to me and said “She doesn’t understand you. She doesn’t speak English.”

Insert dumb-founded look of disbelief.

“Can you understand me?” I asked the mother.

“Why, yes, perfectly.” She said.

“Could you get her to stop kicking me?” I asked her and with-held the ‘before I start kicking you?’

“Oh, I could put her down I guess, but she won’t be happy about it.” The idiot mother said.

Oh, sorry. Yes, you should let your kid kick people to keep them happy. What was I thinking?

Rather than put her down, the woman made her other daughter stand between us so she could get kicked instead.

I was standing behind Florida’s mother-of-the-year. Lucky me.

Eventually we made it into a car and away from the kicker. There was a single rider that had the pleasure of riding with us. She was cool. When we got into the car, we threw our hands in the air and started screaming before the car moved. She did it too.

Most people want to be silly and have fun but are too shy to start it. It’s a public service that we start doing it first.









I drive faster on the turnpike in my Blazer and that isn’t subject to daily safety checks and attached to rails. This ride is nothing to be scared of. The ride over to Epcot was scarier.

Once we got off Test Track, we headed for the land to finally get on Soaring.

We’re going on Soaring! We’re going on Soaring!

On the walk over to the Land, there was a group of ladies walking along side of us. There was a little boy walking towards us alone, and he walked into one of the ladies. The little boy looked around nervously.

“Is he yours?” The lady asked me.

“Nope. I’ve got enough kids, thanks, though.” I said.

About the same time that we were having this conversation, a woman behind us started screaming at the lady who found the little boy. “Watch where you are going!”

“Watch your kid!” She screamed back and the crew and I took off on a very quick walk.

I have a ride to experience; I didn’t care if those ladies ripped each others hair out.

The Land was crowded with people either going on the ride or looking for food.

The stand-by line was almost at the ice cream stand. The only way to get on Soaring is with a fast pass.

We walked down the ramp to Souring and stood in a line. Considering the popularity of this ride, we did the mandatory ‘wave’, ‘cheer’ and ‘excited about it’ even though there was a line. I have a feeling that it will be a long time before this ride is a walk on. I think the only time this ride is a walk on is when the park first opens and you can only do it once.

Inside the ride are three long rows of seats. The very nice man sitting in the last seat at the end of the row switched with me because I was suddenly getting nervous.

I know I’m a freak. I admit it. The strangest things freak me out. I felt too trapped sitting anywhere but on the end. The seats rise up quite high in the air so jumping out wasn’t an option and I knew that before going in, but I felt safer if I could see the floor.

The music started and the seats rose up in the air and forward towards a screen. It almost felt like being put inside a bubble.

I think. I’ve never been inside a bubble so maybe that isn’t a fair comparison.

The show had started and in the first few seconds, I looked down and saw the floor.

Holy shit! Don’t look down! DON’T EVER LOOK DOWN AGAIN!

We were high up and I suddenly remembered my extreme fear of heights. It’s WAY worse than my fear of confinement.

I forgot I can’t swim until we almost got into a SHARK tank at Typhoon Lagoon then I forgot I was afraid of heights until I was strapped into a dangling seat pretty freaking high in the air.

When I die, it’s probably going to be a stupid, avoidable death. It will be something else I forgot until I got too far.

Bet you can guess how I spent MY high school years.

Once I freaked out about the floor I looked straight ahead at the screen.

Perfect. This entire ride takes place in a simulated parasail. This would be the very last time I ever forgot about my fear of heights. For a few seconds, I was more scared on this ride than on the Rock ‘n Rollercoaster and on that ride I yanked the shoulder harness down so hard, I broke it.

There was secret CM sign language calling me and idiot, I just know it.

“Wobin! I smell oranges!” Em called over to me and suddenly, I relaxed. When I smelled the oranges I wasn’t scared of anything. This ride was gentle and beautiful. I might be afraid of heights, but apparently I’m not afraid to fly. It was incredible.

I love this ride. I won’t need to sit on the end of the row anymore. I don’t want to miss a minute of it again by looking at the floor.

Soaring: Big thumbs up.



Once we finished our ride and took a moment to pout because we couldn't go back on it, Nikki and Curt said they were going back to look around the countries some more. Del, Em and I were going back to Pop to rest and swim.

“How do we get back?” Nikki asked.

Are you serious? The amount of time we have spent in Epcot over the years and you can’t figure out how to get back to the countries?

I opened a park map and put it on the ground, then took Nikki by the shoulders and positioned her over the Land. “You are here.” I said.

And so did Lou! I laughed so hard when I read that!



Curt and Nikki left us and I assume, found the countries on their own while Del, Em and I headed for the tram.

Turnstiles to tram to van and we were back at Pop Century.

Don’t you wish it was THAT quick and easy?

Del, Em and I put on those freaking cold swimsuits that had been hanging in sub-below zero air conditioning all day long and headed for the pool.

Del had a nasty sunburn on his chest from Typhoon Lagoon. Thanks to his wife (that’s me) his back was burn free. If you have every burned parts of you body, you know getting into water sucks out loud.

The warm water feels cool on your unburned skin, but red-coal hot on your sunburn. I don’t think he enjoyed his swim, because he didn't stay in the water long.

Either that or he just wanted a beer, so he used that as an excuse to get out. Em and I played in the water for a little while then got out to go to the food court to get a milkshake.

Between the air conditioning and the brain-freeze from the milkshakes, our lips were blue. We couldn't have been happier.

After we took showers, it didn't take long for us all to fall asleep. Del had fought it for as long as he could, he wanted to watch the Pepsi 400 on TV but because of rain delays, he didn't make it.

The next day would be our last full day at Disney and I wanted to get a good nights rest. I don’t think the door next to ours closed completely before I was sound asleep.


 

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